Go easy on me, man.

a short message

Subscribers—

Last night in a dark night of the soul I wrote some very personal things or explained some ideas behind my poetry that touched on personal pain that maybe I shouldn’t have. I was in a scared place and something about me thought it was good to make an exhibition of my mental state.

I have since deleted those sections from the substack post as it appears on the website but you still have it in your emails from me. Do me a favor and keep it to yourself, ok? I’m embarrassed and afraid of it getting out or of exposing myself much more, or I don’t know why I wrote that stuff and I want to apologize to all of you for spilling my drink on you at the cocktail party, or engaging in self pity or ranting and raving, I don’t know, it was just a bad look and I’m embarrassed and I feel no closer to being well or feeling commiserated with or understood.

The beginning of the trees changing is always a rough time for me, I think it’s when the light changes or some seasonal thing is triggered, there’s mold spores in the air from leaves, I don’t know. But I kind of lose it a little. Also the nuclear war fears, I get unhinged. I think I’m just going to try to retire a little and work on some writing that may uplift me or distract me or something. That’s what I was trying to do last night with the last post but it became this pleading, pathetic performance.

Anyway thanks for listening.